Confessions from the Last Dinosaur

I'm fuckin dying man...

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 18:19:24 GMT

I think I have the flu and it's doing quite a number on me.

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 23:04:29 GMT

I am a licensed driver now... Beware.

Oh wait I don't have an insured car or even gas money right now.

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 02:40:38 GMT

My scumbag boss isn't answering my phone calls thus preventing me from receiving the rest of my money thus preventing me to go see my brother this week. Thus having murderous thoughts. I wish it was legal to have a gun so I can point it in peoples' faces. I it was legal only for me to do that.

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 01:07:41 GMT

Lots of crap going on in my life right now. I am unemployed for one thing. And instead of maiming a long-haired man-bitch, I punched the crap out of something inanimate thus leaving me with one bruised and bleeding hand. I got really drunk last night because well I really needed to. Still with my girlfriend. We have our problems, but we genuinely love each other. So I guess I'm better off now than I've ever been. Sure as hell doesn't feel like it though.

I'd like to spend a year away from everything and everyone I know. Not a vacation, but more of an escape from the life I'm living now. I doubt I can go far with no money or education.

Swords and guns. Swords and guns.

Thu, 26 May 2005 22:36:48 GMT

I can not drive to save my life. Failed road test for the second god damn time.

Thu, 19 May 2005 02:49:38 GMT

Sometimes it feels like the only good thing in my life is my girlfriend.

And sometimes that's not enough.

Another Reason Why I Can Die Happy

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 04:28:05 GMT

The Pillows are coming to America. I've known that for sometime now. And though they didn't plan on coming to New York, I was still happy because I was still going to see them. I would kill somebody in front of their own mother to see them. But now they are coming to New York... for two shows. I already got the tickets to their second show. Now if only they would play their old stuff. But still, this is awesome.

WOW

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 23:32:02 GMT

World of Warcraft.

We're All Alright

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 02:19:18 GMT

I'm still alive.

I have a girlfriend now.

I just made a bunch of muffins.

The blueberry ones didn't turn out too great.

Random Personal Thought

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 06:36:26 GMT

I would really like to have sex. And though I kind of think prostitution should be legal, I still don't think I'd ever pay for a woman. Yep.

I Need Direction(s)

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 02:21:18 GMT

Random stuff that that is going on with me right now:

I currently have two jobs. I don't much like either of them, but I'm going to give the new job atleast a week before I decide whether to keep it or not. I had an argument with some green, punk-ass waiter at my old job (where I still work on weekends). One good thing is that a waitress who quit a few weeks ago came back to work. We need experienced servers that can take care of their own shit. Granted I started out with no experience, but atleast I followed my superiors like a good egg. Anyways, this week I'm working 6 days. Monday thru Thursday at the new place and the weekend at the old place. Terrific.

My brother is in town. He's been here since Friday with his class and they're staying at a hotel. I figured we could hang atleast once before he leaves on Monday, but with both our schedules the way they are, that might not happen.

Oh yeah, I met Morgan Webb. Yeah... I'm going to write have to write about the experience next time in a seperate entry when I have more time or when I feel less lazy. I met Morgan Webb.

This Could be the Saddest Dusk...

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 23:29:27 GMT

I may have seen the love of my life for the last time today. This Sunday she will be leaving the country for five months. She said she'll be back, but many things can happen in five months. The saddest thing is that I couldn't even tell her about my feelings although I'm sure she has some idea. I did give her this as a gift, which she genuinely seemed to like. Although she chuckled at the message I wrote her on the card. It really is pathetic and not worth mentioning what I wrote. If anyone wants to know, I'll tell you. But let's just say it included the word "die".

I still don't have any decent picture of her. That I must get done before she leaves or I'll never forgive myself. But she is dead set on her schedule which doesn't have any more time for me.

In other news, I have told my boss that I no longer desire to work at the restaurant. Then he asked me if I could work atleast part-time on weekends and I folded like a napkin. There really is no reason for me to work there any longer, but I felt guilty about leaving so suddenly. So for a few weeks more I will work part-time. Now that I have some free time, I have to figure out what I'm going to do with myself (other than FFXI). I have definitely got to get my driver's license. That's a priority. I also kind of ant to take a computer class. Maybe even programming. But I think I might need to find another job as well as my financial burden is increasing somehow.

And on a final note...

I love America. It is my country and it is my home. In many ways, I owe my life to this nation. But it has disappointed me yet again. Though I am not affiliated with any religion, I pray for my country and my people. And I pray that we will not regret this decision, but I am positive we will. As an American, I am truly saddened and angered by what we have done. You people really stink.

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 22:17:00 GMT

Oh yeah, I had to get a new cpu fan cause my old got broken or something and started to sound like a lawn mower. I replaced it with a better cooling fan, but this bastard is also loud. Not lawnmower loud like the broken one, but louder than comfort level. I don't mind as long as I can play my new copy of Final Fantasy XI. Yep, because I just didn't have enough things keeping me busy.

Smooth Operator

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 22:12:54 GMT

I visited my brother last week. He was busy with work for most of the time I was there, so I didn't really do much there. Spent most of my time in the house playing video games and watching some Kare Kano. Awesome anime by the way. I've seen only two volumes so far, but I fell in love with the show from episode 1 even though it's kind of "chickish". Also started playing Suikoden 3 which I bought like an eon ago. Great game and was a good RPG fix. That's really just about everything I did while I was there. Probably should have taken some time to see what my status is with Penn State while I was there. I just always assumed that I can go back whenever I wanted, but there is a possibility that re-enrollment could be a huge bitch. Ah, whatever.

Work is awful as always. New management wants to make a bunch of changes, yet again. And two of our senior waiters are leaving. That means much more work and responsibility for those of us who are still there. We're just servers, mere pawns, and management is asking for more than what pawns should be doing. Nothing like working at a place where you constantly hope to be fired just so you can say "fuck it" and walk away from the mess. I got loans to pay and everything, but I don't need money that badly right now. There are a few things that are keeping me there. First, it's nice to feel somewhat productive and make some money for the first time. Second, I'm not terribly sure where else I could work. I don't think I have enough experience to work at another restaurant, atleast one that's busier and pays off the books. The last reason is that I like most of the people I work with. Especially the weekend cashier girl.

My slight crush has turned into infatuation with "La Cajera" as the Hispanos and I like to refer to her as. I've been interested in her for quite some time and have asked a couple times for her to go out with me. She never actualy said no, she just delayed answering or told me she would another time. I had little hope that she was going to agree especially when I caught her looking at another waiter while I was speaking directly to her. Her eyes had pretty much told me that she was much more intrested in him. So I figure I lost her and congratulated the other guy. He said I was crazy to think she liked him at all. He convinced me to try my luck with her one more time. I asked her again except this time offering to have some other people come with us. She said if the other people agreed to go then she might come along as well. Well of course then the other people couldn't make it. So I pretty much just gave up hope. But to my surprise she said she would go out with me without the others. Then I got really nervous and tried to have someone else tag along, but no dice. So it was just me and her, something I wanted, but was completely unready for.

The "date" happened the next day. We met at a coffe shop and then took a cab to a Thai restaurant (which she chose) for dinner. Thankfully there weren't too many silent awkward moments because I prepared beforehand with questions I could ask her and other conversation topics. After dinner we went for a walk which was kind of nice. While we were waiting for a bus, I asked her why she decided to finally meet me, she revealed a shocker. It seems that unbeknownst to me, Edgar, the other waiter, was the one to convince her to go out with me. And I'm not quite sure how to feel about that. I appreciate the help, but he is kind of my rival. He's not actively going after the girl, but I know she likes him. I got nothing against the guy really. I'm just jealous.

Then we took a bus home. The bus was kind of loud so we didn't talk too much on there. Her stop was first so we just said goodbye and she walked off. And that was a mistake I have regretted since. I should have gotten off with her and walked her home or atleast in the same general direction. That way I could have done something more than just wave her goodbye. I could have attempted a hug atleast if I walked with her. Oh well. No use regretting what ifs' especially since I proabably would have chickened out anyway. The night was a good experience and I got a little closer to the girl I like. She said she had a good time and said we should do it again sometime. I'm hesitant to call that night a "date" though. All the vibes I received from her told me that she just wants to be "friends". Ick. I kind of new that from the beginning since I knew she had a boyfriend. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that. Yep, a very tall (from what I hear) fancy car driving boyfriend. This is definitely going to be an uphill battle.

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 05:03:53 GMT

I got stuff to post about. And I will eventually. But right now I'm feeling lazy. I know, very unusual of me.

"You Got a Fucking Dart in Your Neck Man"

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 02:35:13 GMT

Well now I got "that" taken care of. And by "that", I meant getting a catheter in my neck. That really was a shitty experience. Atleast it's out now. And now I have a neat hole on the side of my neck with a bandage that's annoying the hell out of me. I am in desperate need of a good-fuckin-time. And a shower. I couldn't shower the last 2 days in fear of infecting my neck.

My friend Ann went with me to the hospital to get my catheter put in. I don't really know if it's fair to call her a friend since the only time and reason I see her is because of my condition. God bless her though. She spent the whole damn day with me at the hospital. I took her to where I work to buy her dinner and admittedly to show her off in front of my co-workers. Thought it'd be cool to show with a cute girl. Not that anybody would believe it for a second that somebody like her could possibly be my girlfriend. Whatever. It was a little awkward at first because it was so effin quite and empty there, but she seemed to like the place and I didn't embarass myself. All I could really ask for.

Anyway, I got the rest of this week off from work as well. I have no idea what to do. It has come to my realization that the time I spend with my co-workers is the only thing that resembles a social life. Why does my relationship with my friends suck so badly? Am I being too proud to call them up? Couldn't they give me a fucking call once in a while? Sumbitches. Now it's too late because most of them are gone.

Screw friends. All I want and need is an iPod. Which I am totally thinking about getting to accompany my new Sennheiser headphones.

Welcome Back

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 23:08:39 GMT

Somehow, G4TechTV has come back to New York. Definitely good to see Morgan again although I've only repeat episodes so far today. Morgan Webb will always be my #1, but goddamn does Sarah Lane look good. That girl is cute as a button. Ah my TechTV girls, they've finally come back to me. Now if only they knew I existed.

My Life

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 19:36:43 GMT

I have this week off from work because I have to get something done. Which means I'll probably have more time to update this journal and write about all the interesting things going on in my life...

I nicked myself on the nose while shaving about 30 minutes ago.

...

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 03:03:49 GMT

Actually it's been more like three months and the medication kind of works. Anyways, the restaurant is an effin joke. Our best worker are leaving and I can understand why. And the "office people" who came to "fix" our problems are also leaving. "Well you tried your best. Thanks for nothing." I wish atleast the hot design chick would stay. She touched my arm today as she said tomorrow was her last day. Sigh.

Oh yeah. Opie and Anthony are coming back... but on satellite radio. Yay?

And one more thing... I worked about 72 hours this past week. I am an animal.

I hate this place...

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 02:59:25 GMT

Nothing works here. I've been here for seven years. The medication doesn't work. I hate this place. Nothing works here. I've been here for seven years. The medication doesn't work. I hate this place. Nothing works here. I've been here for seven years. The medication doesn't work. I hate this place. Nothing works here. I've been here for seven years. The medication doesn't work. Ihate this place. Nothing works here. I've been here for seven years. The medication doesn't work. I hate this place. Nothing works here.I've been here for seven years. The medication doesn't work. I hate this place. Nothing works here. I've been here for seven years. he medication doesn't work. I hate this place. Nothing works here. I've been here for seven years. The medication doesn't work.

Whatever

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 23:38:43 GMT

Though my bouts of depression are frequent, they never last too long. I just need to blow off some steam once in awhile, which is why it's hard to stay sober. Anyway, don't worry about me. There are starving kids in the world. Does anybody effin read this crap? I sure hope not.

Pardon Me While I Burst...

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 20:29:41 GMT

The following will not likely be coherent since I will just be making random statements about what has happened with me since my last post.

Let's see... I'm finally getting 100% of tips at work after waiting a few weeks more than the usual two months they make new servers wait. They still talk to like I'm new on the job. But I could safely say for the most part that the people at work actually like me. Maybe not really "respect" me, but good enough. Of course I did buy ice cream for everyone at work and dinner for a few of them. They probably think I'm just a show-off when I buy them stuff. Whatever. Speaking of "buying friendship", I asked a girl at work if she wanted to have lunch with me. She said she had plans with her cousin and I told her she che could bring her along as well. I'll treat them both to lunch. She reluctantly replied yes. Well I just got the call from her that they couldn't make it today. Atleast I wasn't sitting here in my room, staying hungry and just waiting for her to call for the last 2 hours. Because that would be sad. Honestly I don't even really like the girl nor find her very attractive. But I wanted to do something on my day off.

My friend's birthday was this past week. I didn't call him to say "Happy Birthday" that night. But I did call earlier in the day to offer dinner at my restaurant with the rest of the gang, to which he replied he didn't have enough time. And he forgot to give me a call to inform me about whatever party was happening that night. So now I'm bitter. I've never had the closest relationships with my friends. I'd call them sometimes and they would be out doing something. They rarely call me to do something. And then I'd get annoyed and not even try to call them until I get a call from them. And that can last literally months. Now I realize I'm a dullard especially when sober, but sometimes I can be a pretty funny bastard and entertaining. And even though we'll have a good time together they still forget to call for the next outing. I sound like such a chick right now and it sickens me.

I really want to visit my brother for a while and just get the hell away from everything that's bothering me which is work, living at home and my so called friends. But even my brother barely has the time of day for me. I must have tried calling him ten times this past week to set up a visit and he hasn't picked up or returned any of my calls. I knew he was moving this week and he'd be busy, but he's got to have five minutes for a goddamn phone call. Am I really such an awful person? Do people not like me because I hate myself or do I hate myself because people don't like me?

My food is here and I need to eat and watch some anime. Atleast I have my anime.

Abba-Zaba, You My Only Friend

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 03:12:31 GMT

It's sad that my days off are almost as awful and uneventful as the days I work. I actually have quite a few things to write about, but since I'm lazy to the Nth degree and since nobody cares I'll write about them another time.

I love The Pillows.

That Bob Marley Song

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 04:24:05 GMT

Well I'm feeling better now that a week has passed. People thought it was funny, I don't remember half of what happened and now it's all water under the bridge. Well except for the fact my mom doesn't really trust me now, but no matter. No use crying over spilled milk.

Oh, my next day off isn't until the 25th. By then I will have worked 8 straight days. And then I will cry again.

I'm That Guy

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 01:25:02 GMT

I hit rock-bottom last night. We had a company party after work last night and I was "the drunk at the office party". I've made an ass out of myself numerous times before while being inebriated, but last night was the pinnacle of drunken stupor. I can only remember half the stuff I did, but suffice it to say that I embarrased myself in front of my co-workers, my bosses and the cashier girl I had a crush on. At the end of the night (for me) they sent me home in a cab while I was still puking my guts out. The rest of the staff was heading to a karaoke bar, something I've wanted to do for a long time but never have.

After I got out of the cab, things got even worse. Two feet from the door to my house, I collapsed on the cement floor. And then I laid there, a slobbering mess thinking I was dying and probably better off dead. I don't even know how long I laid there. My grandma heard the sound of puking outside the window and finally realized it was me. My mom came downstairs and brought me to my room. And then I let it all out. All the angst, anguish, depression and all that bullshit I've kept to myself for the last 2 and a half years came pouring out last night. I was a blubbering baby in my mom'm arms. Like the woman didn't have enough problems, she has to find out I'm a weak lush like most of the male members of our family.

Well I don't know what else to write. All I know is it's really going to be tough to face the people at work this coming Wednesday. And I pretty much blew what minimal chance I had with the cashier girl. This is my life. Absolutely pathetic.

God, I miss my brother. I could use a good friend to talk to.